hushMONKEY

- tu es foutu -

2009-02-16T14:19:00.004+08:00

fact #1: i was in a relationship with aliff.

fact #2: i broke up with aliff, and paired up with awin.

fact #3: i still hang out with aliff, even after the break up.

fact #4: awin got overly jealous because of fact #1 and fact #2.

fact #5: because of fact #4, awin slept with his housemate; syant, who happened to be my ONS years ago.

fact #6: awin broke up with me.

fact #7: awin paired up with syant.

fact #8: syant flirted with aliff via facebook.

fact #9: syant told awin that it was aliff who contacted him through facebook, and awin was OK with it, because as awin put it, "i know why aliff contacted syant".

Question #1: if awin is OK with syant contacting aliff, why was it not OK for me to hang out with aliff previously?

Question #2: if awin's 'OK'ness can't be justified, then his jealousy towards aliff and me was NOT genuine?

Question #3: if the jealousy was NOT genuine, then what was his real reason for his betrayal?

- comic comic comico -

2009-02-15T15:46:00.007+08:00

i was furious with my ex and his new bf, and i made some artwork to relieve my anger. here are some photos of my ex; awin and his new bf; syant [click on the images, for bigger images]:

moral of the story: if you wanted to be discreet, don't post suggestive photos of yourselves on the net.

- you were there -

2009-02-07T17:39:00.026+08:00

Iswandy: I was with him in 2000. We lasted for a few months, ‘til I finally decided to break up with him on 2001’s New Year’s Eve. Cool, right? Haha! He’s OK, but things didn’t work quite well; he was in Brunei, and I was in KL. Trust became the main issue.

Salzali: After Iswandy, it was Salzali. Yes, two anak ikans pairing up. Sweeeeet... I was 21, and he was 18. He was a nice boy. But, then again, I decided to break up with him. I didn’t see any prospect for us. We lasted for a few months.

Zarim: Owh yes! Some of my friends considered him as the love of my life. Haha! We paired up from 2001 ‘til 2004. He broke up with me ‘cause things got a ‘lil bit nasty and complicated between us. And it was with him, we experimented on having an open relationship; definitely NOT my cup of tea.

Janior: My first ever Sabahan partner. I didn’t think that I would be in a relationship again after my previous break up, but I managed to coaxed myself to just give it a try. I was with him from 2005 ‘til 2007.

Nooraliff: We were together briefly, BUT it was definitely memorable. He was such a sweet and intelligent person [still is]. I was with him in 2007. I broke up with him ‘accidentally’.

Aluin: The latest addition in my collection of exes. I was with him in 2008. He broke up with me due to some ‘questionable’ issues. This was my second LDR [Long Distance Relationship]; he was in Kuching, and I was in KK.

Even though I broke up with the ones that I love, all of us are still in good terms. Yes, I’m buddies with my exes. And most of them are in my Facebook. :b

- ricardo : book one -

2008-12-04T17:25:00.004+08:00

i've compiled some of my works from 2005 to 2008. the ebook [pdf format] can be downloaded here, or you can click on the thumbnail of the ebook cover on the sidebar.

- position yourself -

2008-11-10T19:06:00.012+08:00

- whenever... -

2008-09-29T18:18:00.000+08:00

Whenever I’m bored, and got nothing to do, I would browse through the old text messages that I’d stored in my mobile phone. I have the tendency to store text messages that I deem as ‘interesting’. I’m going to share some of the text messages that my ex sent me.

1] “Bi malu btl mao bgtao.tp x pa la.bi rela,uda buat salah.ringan wit asan, no suckin no fuckin.jay jay kis. pundan d kg CD yg pena ikot ur car,kis me.ned kis. akzam kis. aleaf heavy. dat’s all.”

[NOTE : he forgot to mention a few other names; wandi blowjob. aiman heavy. Chris heavy. Sazali kis]

2] “I love u and i want u bck. N I’m sure u knw dat. I’m so into u n i wil wait 4 u. U didn’t gv me d chance 2 do sumthng abt it. i’m jealous wen eva u gt calls n msgs.”

3] “Why did u leave me!!! I knw i was wrong, np u didn’t try to wait. I love u n i hate u. Why r u doing dis to me?”

4] “Ki,bi mao mta sumthg? Jan bgtao org abt me n jan bgtao org psl ah chai, bi x mao dia terlibat. biarla dia reserved ja. Blh ka?”

5] “whnevr i look at d star, i thnk abt u. Whnevr it’s rainin, i mis ur comfort. Whnevr i see a ful moon, i thnk abt our anivsary. Whnever i play games, i mis ur laughter. Whnever u r nt here wit me, i mis u. Gudnyte my prince charming.”

All of the text messages were sent after the breakup except for text 1. And FYI, ki=me and bi=my ex. I was with him from July 2005 – October 2007. See, I’m buddies with all of my exes except him; Janior. Should any of you bumped into him, throw some rotten eggs at him for me, thanks!

And i think i need to clarify here that i hated him NOT because he had sex with other peeps [some of them are my own friends], BUT it’s because of his unacceptable accusations on me and the lies that he broadcasted to others about the breakup.

- shocked -

2008-09-23T16:04:00.002+08:00

it's discouraging to think how many people are SHOCKED by honesty and how few by deceit

- wind -

2008-09-19T19:15:00.001+08:00

our love is like the wind. i can't see it, but i can feel it.

- links are up again -

2008-09-17T15:24:00.002+08:00

yes, i've put back links in my blog. feel free to browse through some of the blogs that i bother to read... hahaha!

- tagged... aaargh! -

2008-09-14T14:46:00.003+08:00

bah, ni kerja c jerry ni... i don't play this tagged thingy... haiya!... tapi sebab c jerry punya muka mcm minta kesian, jd sy isi juga la k...

1. The person who tag/pass you is?
-> jerry

2. Your relationship with her/him is?

-> kawan-kawan...

3. Your five impression of her/him?
-> tall, witty, sarcastic, suka order at least two drinks [before he proceeds with a few more], and suka makan telor goreng with oyster [mizti ada REAL oyster taste]

4. The most memorable thing she/he had done for you?

-> didn't say hi to me eventhough he recognized me

5. The most memorable thing she/he had said to you?

-> 'damnit!'

6. If she/he becomes your lover you will?

-> i will be a celibate...

7. If she/he becomes your lover, thing she/he has to improve on will be?

-> nothing, i personally believe that we are born to be different in our own special way and we should tolerate each other, and world peace [i'm saying this 'sincerely' while standing in a 'miss universe' pose]

8. If she/he become your enemy, you will?

-> post it in my blog

9. If she/he become your enemy, the reason will be?

-> maybe, just maybe, i ordered telor goreng with oyster, tapi there's NO real oyster inside it.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for her/him now is?

-> buy him flowers... hahaha!

11. Your overall impression of her/him is?

-> a fellow monkey

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?

-> benci, benci and more benci... hahaha!

13. The characters you love of yourself are?

-> my bitchiness

14. On the contrary, the character you hate yourself are?

-> laziness

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?

-> bah sepa2 yg mao isi borang, please take note of this k; humorous, intelligent, around my height; i'm 170, NOT skinny; fleshy is better, and PLEASANT looking.

16.For people that care and like you, say something to them :

-> thank you for liking me... hahaha!

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you.

-> They are :

1) jojo; my cat

2) chad white; the model

3) my inner self

4) that dude yang me pernah nampak di tg aru

5) my buddies

6) johnny depp; the actor

7) my car

8) my laptop

9) my mobile phone

10) my pendrive

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?
-> with that french singer... forgot her name

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
-> positively a male

20. If number 7. and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
-> nope, my car would crushed my pendrive

21. What is no.2 studying about?
-> antahla... well, he's a model now

22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
-> always!

23. What kind of music band does no. 8 like?
-> radiohead

24. Does no.1 have any siblings?
-> i think so... x quite sure about that

25. Will you woo no.3?
-> owh yes! i love myself, and i make love to him every now and then...

26. How about number 7?

-> i don't fancy wooing an inanimate object

27. Is no. 4 single?

-> i think he's married... oooh! married guys are H-O-T!

28. What is the surname of no.5?

-> uish! banyak ba tu... can't list them all

29. What's the hobby of no.10?

-> poking my laptop and other PCs, and sucking data from those devices

30. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?

-> yes! without my mobile phone, my buddies won't be able to contact me... see, i'm smart kan!

31. Where is no.2 studying at?

-> dunno bah, he's a model kan

32. Talk something casually about no.1?
-> miao miao...

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no.6?
-> sexually? NO, but i'm impressed with his acting!

34. Where does no.9 live at?
-> next to me

35. What colour does no.4 like?
-> dunno owh... x penah chit chat wif him... me memandang-mandang hati kama saja dat...

36. Are no.5 and 1 best friends?

-> depends if my buddies love cats or not

37. is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?

-> is the colour green sexy?

38. What is no.6 doing now?
-> i'm NOT his PA, so i dunno...
so, puas ate sdh ko kan, jerry. sdh sy jawab tu... hehehe...

- lazy -

2008-09-12T22:11:00.002+08:00

“Lazy people are always eager to be doing something”

- when i grow up -

2008-08-21T16:16:00.001+08:00

i would like to convey my deepest gratitude to EVERYONE who texted, called or messaged me [through facebook OR friendster] and wished me 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'. thank you, thank you and thank you...

regards,
Ricardo @ hushMONKEY
- 21082008 -

- doubt -

2008-08-16T20:34:00.002+08:00

doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.

- the eye -

2008-08-14T14:07:00.002+08:00

Said the Eye one day, "I see beyond these valleys a mountain veiled with blue mist. Is it not beautiful?"

The Ear listened, and after listening intently awhile, said, "But where is any mountain? I do not hear it."

Then the Hand spoke and said, "I am trying in vain to feel it or touch it, and I can find no mountain."

And the Nose said, "There is no mountain, I cannot smell it."

Then the Eye turned the other way, and they all began to talk together about the Eye's strange delusion. And they said, "Something must be the matter with the Eye."

[excerpted from the madman by khalil gibran]

- love, love, love -

2008-08-13T09:09:00.001+08:00

Love can cause you pain and misery. So, why do we bother to be in a relationship? It’s human nature to desire for companionship. Having that special person that you can call ‘sayang’, text or call when you miss him, and hug him when you’re lying on the bed next to him; means a great deal in your life. You feel completed; the missing piece fits in the empty slot of the puzzle. The whole world sings a grand tune to celebrate your happiness. Everything is perfect.

As time passed by, things started to change. Matter of fact, it was you that changed. You rarely texted him. You barely whisper sweet words to his ears. You wanted something else; something more, something different. The perfection that you’d found has flaws in it. Dishonesty and lies crept in; engulfing your ‘undying love’. Eventually, your soulmate changed as well. By now, you should know that people changed; they can never stay stagnant in a monotonous condition.

Arguments and disagreements became your daily breakfast; such a healthy way to start the day. You found solace on others, and so did he. The groundwork is cracking, and both of you build up walls. Finally, the walls were too high, that you can’t even hear what he said to you; you stopped listening. And soon enough, you would be reading the last chapter of your story, and tears and heart aches would follow suit.

If love kills, does hate heal?

- why do you want to blog? -

2008-08-11T08:59:00.004+08:00

People ‘owned’ blogs for different kind of reasons. I’ve observed some of the blogs and here are some of my findings.

Reason no.1 : they have so much feelings and they don’t have any other medium to pour their feelings into. They are thick-skinned and NOT ashamed of the mass knowing their personal lives. Usually they write sincerely about almost everything; sex, porn, sex, politics, sex, sports, sex, etc.

Reason no.2 : they think that having a blog would make people think of them highly. Others would respect them for having a blog, as bloggers are intelligent people [are they really intelligent?].

Reason no.3 : they just want to have another add-on to their friendster/facebook/myspace. Like, how greedy can you be? Annoying it is when someone said ‘hi! Please add a link to my blog in your blog, i’ll add yours later’. Do they really visit each and every link in their blogs? Imagine if you have 50 links in your blog, do you actually spend time reading every new posting from the links? I DON’T THINK SO. And that’s why i’ve deleted the links in my blog. It’s useless for me to keep it there, as none of them read my blog anymore.

Reason no.4 : they wanted to show their creativity in accessorising websites. I wonder if there’s an award for ‘the most beautiful blog’. If you haven’t noticed, please browse through some of the blogs out there, and in not less than a minute, i’m sure that you would have an eye-sore. Why? Just look at the side bar. It’s full of crap. For instance, why would you put a clock widget? Your pc doesn’t present the correct time, does it?. And that prominent ‘have you seen her?’ or ‘missing person’ column. Just because one person put it in his/her side bar, it doesn’t mean you are ‘forced’ to do the same. And of course, the ads. Gosh! That’s the most suffocating of all.

Before you even start to blog, think carefully of your purpose for doing so. As for me, it’s because i have a deep passion in writing and photography. And i write honestly and sincerely. And i know loads of bloggers would hate me because of this posting. BUT, before you pick up the stone and throw it at me, spend some time looking at your own blog. If ever the things that I’ve written here are untrue, then you can even throw a whale at me. Happy blogging y’all!

[photo caption : some blogs are similar to a pasar tani]

- the gathering -

2008-08-09T15:21:00.004+08:00

- thank you, gracias, merci -

2008-08-08T15:09:00.002+08:00

A friend of mine said this, “people are moving from blogging to publishing books. But you’re doing the opposite”. That was his respond when I told him that I’m going to blog again. I respected his insight, as he was one of my loyal readers and eventually became my friend. [NOTE: zam, your life is not as boring as you think it is… :b]

Question: why was I MIA for nearly two years? I was occupied with my work and other personal matters. A lame excuse to substitute my laziness. Yes, I was lazy to write. Maybe, and just maybe, I was frustrated that my writing took 10,000 years to be published [thankfully, the book finally materialized this year].

And right after Aweks KL was published, my passion for blogging was replenished. I was eager to blog again. Plus, I don’t have a partner whose dumbness reduced my mental capacity [NOTE: in reference to my ex]. Ideas keep on flowing through my brain. I’m being ME again. And I’m HAPPY.

And that’s one of the main reasons for me to make a comeback in the blogosphere. Happiness. It may seemed that I’m depressed, or sad, or furious in my postings, but I’m the happiest when I finished doing a posting. It’s such a relief to project your thoughts in words, and shared them with others. And because of my views and thoughts, I made others think as well. I don’t want my readers to leave my blog empty handed. You should read, think, agree/disagree with the things that I’ve posted. And that would be the biggest token of appreciation from you to me. And in return, I’ll keep on feeding/sharing my life story with you. Thank you.

To quote from spanglish; “when you think that your life is embarrassing, some people find encouragement in it”.

- essence -

2008-07-30T09:25:00.002+08:00

a few days ago, an old buddy of mine texted me;

him : dear friend-you're cordially invited to PALACE BAR "GRAND OPENING" on 30 july 2008 - food, show, lucky draw and free flow beer (from 7pm-9pm only) RSVP (Reply) by 29 july for reservation. see you! from D.D.A.O of palace bar @ cityview, cheras.

me : hehe thanks 4 d invitation.but i ave 2 declyne.x in kl currently

him : thought u could be with me in spirit

me : i am lending u part of my essence.haha!

him : i will try to find if i kept & preserved ur essence the last time u came

me : haha!u nvr failed 2 put a grin on my face

-end-

FYI the last time we metup and had sex was in 2004 [or was it 2005?]... :b... anyways, should any of you are free on the 30th, do not hesitate to attend the grand opening of palace bar, ok...

- monkey in uniform -

2008-07-25T16:42:00.002+08:00

- i've learned... -

2008-07-24T20:52:00.001+08:00

i've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.

- DNA -

2008-07-20T20:15:00.003+08:00

fact : Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) is a nucleic acid that contains the genetic instructions used in the development and functioning of all known living organisms and some viruses. The main role of DNA molecules is the long-term storage of information. DNA is often compared to a set of blueprints or a recipe, since it contains the instructions needed to construct other components of cells, such as proteins and RNA molecules. The DNA segments that carry this genetic information are called genes, but other DNA sequences have structural purposes, or are involved in regulating the use of this genetic information. [keywords : LONG TERM STORAGE of INFORMATION]

statement #1 : Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR) advisor Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim would not allow his DNA sample to be taken over a sodomy allegation, saying he had last subjected himself to a DNA test in 2004 and that result was still applicable. He claimed that blood samples were taken from him five or six times while he was serving a six-year jail term for corruption from April 1999. Anwar said there was no sound reason for him to undergo a DNA test, considering that the last one was done in 2004. [keywords : BLOOD SAMPLES WERE TAKEN FROM FIVE or SIX TIMES]

statement #2 : Dato' Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said to the reporters; "If he has not done anything, than provide a sample. Do it. I want to see it. Let's see the result which could prove that he did not do it. There is no conspiracy or any action to victimise him. No need to believe it," he said, adding the DNA sample that was taken 10 years ago "is too old and so they need a new one." [keywords : TOO OLD and SO THEY NEED A NEW ONE]

conclusion : kindly compare the keywords from fact, statement #1 and statement #2.

- self-cut -

2008-07-18T19:49:00.002+08:00

today, i cut my hair by myself... haha! the last time that i cut my hair by myself was about 4 years ago.

- he looked so good -

2008-07-16T10:48:00.005+08:00

i don't have many friends in KK. the reasons for this is still oblivious. Maybe, they were intimidated because i didn't join the so-called gay community [and their events], or maybe they're just bitter with my survivality as a lone ranger. And yes, they claimed that i'm anti-social. As i put in my friendster's shoutout; 'i'm not anti-social, i'm just not user-friendly'. haha!

anyways, yesterday two of my friends called me up. it's like a ritual for some of my friends to called me and talked about 'nonsensical' things. actually, only one of my friends called me, but the other one shared the phone with him and chatted with me.

the first friend was talking about the $$$ that they forked out of old peeps. they became escorts. i wasn't amazed with it. like, they've always been doing the same trade for ages. and they even offered me a share, if i joined them. haha! no siree! that would be waaay out of the line. gone are the days of me being a money boy. and he told me that the second friend broke up with his partner recently. what a relief?! i mean, the partner is soOo NOT right for him. [my friend's ex is at the same age with me, BUT he looked as if he's from elizabethan era]

then, the second friend grabbed the phone from the first friend, and started bitching about my ex. "what's *name*'s probs?". i replied, "whoa! take it from the top. what's the story this?". "i saw *name* the other day. and he gave me that 'Qbar' look. like, my boyfriend looks better than yours. pukimak betul!". and i just laughed.

then, the two of them kept on bitching about *name*. and we had a good laugh over it.

towards the end of the conversation, the first friend said something which stirred up some thoughts in my head. "rick, before i say goodbye, i just wanna say that *name* looked so good when he was with you, BUT why is he with someone like that?. ok la, bye and take care". [that someone is speculated to be his new partner, AND he's so unappetizing].

i must say, that it really brightened up my day, knowing that i can make someone looked fab! haha!

- manhole -

2008-07-15T16:28:00.002+08:00

- yesterday once more -

2008-07-14T16:39:00.013+08:00

i was browsing through my old photo albums, and bumped into some photos of me when i was young. i've posted some of the photos on my blog previously, BUT i'm going to re-post them so that some of my 'new' readers might have a glimpse of my childhood. [kindly click on the image for a larger image]

one of my earliest shots. it was done at a photo studio. i can't remember what age was i when this was taken. i should be around 2-3 years old.

another set of photos, taken at the municipal field [padang bandaran] sandakan. noticed the hair; classic isn't it? haha! i never liked my hair to be cut when i was young, so my mother just let me grew my hair long. :b... btw the poses are kind of cute as well [self-adoring bitch again!]

a close up shot. taken in front of my house in sandakan. i think i'm younger than the shots above. my hair hadn't fully grown yet. haha!

another shots taken in front of my house. my mother were fond of orchids, and she had loads of them. i didn't remember who 'instructed' me to hold the orchid. haha! and my toy car; green in colour. resembled my current ride; it's green.

- what you see, is what i get -

2008-07-12T17:14:00.004+08:00

my friends are always the sharing type. they love to share almost everything with me; stories, music, movies, experiences, bodily fluids [ooops!], etc.

last week, two of my friends sent me photos of the things that they encounter. here are the photos:

photo 1 : i'm guessing the place where this shot was taken was in a supermarket. noticed 'lamp', instead of lamb. it would be hilarious for a lamp to have a loin?!

photo 2 : the shot was undoubtedly taken at centre point, KK. i can define exactly who the person was, even looking at him from behind. well, got used to looking at the same sight for two years. ooops!

so, if you do have anything interesting to share with me, DO NOT hesitate to forward it/them to me, ok. wheew! had a bad cough for almost two weeks. recovering now...

- song to say goodbye -

2008-07-09T19:09:00.004+08:00

"Sometime you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say good-bye"

[recently, I decided NOT to contact one of my exes, AND that would made me NOT in contact with TWO of my exes ~ was it my fault?]

- these words -

2008-07-06T17:43:00.004+08:00

these words are my own
from my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
there's no other way
to better say
I love you, I love you...

- the boy who fell in love with siwot -

2008-07-04T18:01:00.005+08:00

Siwot. What is siwot? Siwot is an ornament for the head which is stuck into the hairbun. It consists of four bunches of red cloth and black cock feathers. Nowadays gathered in badminton shuttles. Strings of silver-green beads with bits of red cloth dangle over the forehead from the first bunch, and downward from the last one. The silver-green beads are a modern substitute for the iridescent wings of beetles that were used in the old days. It is worn during ceremonies.

The first time that i saw siwot was when i was a small boy. I was attending a mangahau ritual at a relative's house. For someone who hasn't seen his own ethnic's traditional costume, i was fascinated. I grew up in the city, my family only go back to my village during the school holidays. Anyways, what fascinate me most is the way the tantagas [priestesses] looked when they wore the traditional costume. Ever since that moment, i was keened on my own culture. The ladies looked very much like mohawk. hehe... and maybe that inspired my mohawkish hair a few years back. haha!

- publication -

2008-07-02T12:37:00.004+08:00

i forgot to inform that one of my writings was published in an anthology; aweks kl. aweks kl is basically a collection of writings from various writers [known AND unknown]. even though i have to wait ten thousand years for the book to be published, but i'm contented that the book finally materialized. you can grab a copy at silverfish books.

i've scanned the pages of my published writings. the publisher combined TWO of my writings and put them as ONE [indah manusia + bicara cinta = bicara cinta]. the short poem at the beginning of the dialogue is from indah manusia. i was a bit discontented 'cause the publisher cropped the last part of bicara cinta, without informing me. anyways, as long as the essence of the story is there, then i'll be OK. as speculated by some, bicara cinta was written based on my own experience. it was written when i was wrecked and the only way i can project my emo was through my writings. i didn't blame my former partner for making me felt disastrous, matter of fact i thanked him for being my muse. hehe...

[click on the thumbnail for a larger image]

- casillas save my ball -

2008-06-30T10:56:00.004+08:00

España won euro 2008 finals. ¡Viva la españa!

I watched euro 2008' s finals last night [early morning]. Why would I watched football, when the only thing closest to football that I'd ever played was futsal? TWO reasons; 1] jien hosted the show. 2] iker casillas was playing.

Honestly, football isn't really my cup of tea. I do watch a match or two every now and then. My dad used to be a footballer [back in his school days], BUT none of his children picked up the sport; my brother played rugby, and me, hockey [the pleasure of holding a 'stick' and hitting a 'ball' with it].

I won't be commenting much on the game [i did a posting about a match review on a football match previously]. I noticed that the spanish players are young and fresh faces. Maybe i was ignorant about the current football scene, BUT I don't recognise any of them, except for casillas. Yes, i drooled over casillas since the first time I saw him in action ages ago. He'd grown much. He used to be young and boyish, and now he looked more manly [still have that boyish quality though]. He's the GK [goal keeper] for the spanish team.

Casillas can surely catch my ball any time... *wink vigorously*

- suicide -

2008-06-29T16:07:00.001+08:00

'to make yourself something less than you can be; that too is a form of suicide' - benjamin lichtenberg

- time heals all wounds -

2008-06-27T19:57:00.003+08:00

'It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.' - Rose Kennedy

- happy meal -

2008-06-26T10:48:00.004+08:00

I was watching 360 on tv3 last night. The issue was massage parlor. It kind of reminded me when a friend offered me a job at his massage parlor a few years back. "Rick, you have a good 'touch'. Why don't you work for me?". I replied, "thanks, but no thanks. I can't imagine myself touching wrinkled and aging bodies". And he tried further to persuade me, "owh no! you don't have to do anything sexual. You don't even have to massage them. You just have to touch them. Touching is a therapy." I don't have to massage them eyh?. Then maybe he should consider changing the name of his parlor to 'touch and go' parlor. Haha! Anyways, it was one of those nonsensical conversations that you had after a session. And he received more than just a touch from me. Moohaha!

Another friend offered me to 'star' in his DIY porn movie. "You have the looks, why would you waste it? I bet lots of people are eager to see you in action. I'm going to pay you RM1000 per day". Rm1000 per day? Is that the value of my 'talent'? again, I have to decline the offer. Even if the fuel price hike to its current price at that time, I wouldn't do it. Another friend was looking for an 'anak ikan'. "I'm looking for someone that I can 'bela'. The pay is RM1000 per month. Hassle free relationship. We don't have to see each other every day. If I need you, then I'll contact you. I'll even provide you a house. Interested?". "NO". Given the fact that he's ugly and my best friend did him before, and plus RM1000 per month is too little. You earned thousands of ringgit every month, I'm sure you can spare a little bit more on your investment. right?.

I have my own 'rules' in having sex. Sex should be free [no offence, if you like to hire peeps for your sexual pleasures, this is my own view]. You can have sex with me at no price at all. I'm NOT going to charge you at the end of the session. And you DON'T have to pay me anything as well. In my terms, 'pay' means handover of cash, paid airfare/bus fare/cab fare, accommodation rentals, salvatore ferragamo suit, manolo blahnik heels, etc. BUT, it was a custom for the 'abang-abang' to treat me a meal before/after the sessions. Even though, I wasn't really comfortable with it, but I just tagged along. I didn't want to be 'disrespectful' to them.

And so, my actual value was a meal?! And that would be less than RM10, depending on which establishment they brought me to dine. Most of the time, I 'worthed' around RM50 [you have to divide the bill, and that's the amount]. With RM50, you can get a blowjob from an average money boy. BUT at RM50, I've already provided them anal. Now, I'm going to let you compute the comparison. Was that value for money or what?!. haha!!! Nevertheless, I've always provided extra 'courteous' services. I became a friend to them; someone to chat with. I'm 'blessed' 'cause most of the 'abang-abang' are still in contact with me 'til today. And yes, every now and then, they missed been 'touched' by me. Hahaha! Even my koko [my pet bro; adam], still treat me like his little didi 'til now. I guess, age isn't really a factor eyh?

- every you, every me -

2008-06-25T14:54:00.007+08:00

- loincloth -

2008-06-23T18:34:00.019+08:00

i love loincloth! it's S-E-X-Y!!! in borneo, some of the natives still wear loincloth [cawat]. i drooled over guys in loincloths [provided they're cute and have 'ample' body structure]. the male genitalia is covered, yet it's suggestive. for people like me [who has tremendous resources of imagination], the view of someone in loincloth is 'exciting'.

now, here's one of the ways how to wear a loincloth :

and it would be a pleasure for me to share some vidcaps of a 'fine' looking man in iban costume. the vidcaps are from 'pua' :

and i thought maybe, just maybe my friend; phil would like to be featured in this posting as well. haha! [he didn't even know that i posted his photos... :b] :

and last but not least, lets take a look at a man dancing in loincloth. oooha! :

- it was a year ago -

2008-06-22T15:54:00.004+08:00

20.06.08; marked the ‘anniversary’ of the start of my love-hate-vengeance journey. It was a year ago, that my former partner pushed me to the utmost edge. I did fall, BUT i quickly bounced back and regain sanity. with limited resources, i chartered out my revenge. Slow yet fatal, and the impact was B!G. i knew that my ex would be expecting a revenge from me, BUT i just kept my plans safely tucked under my belt.

Should i disclose my plans here? NO. Some secrets are meant to be secrets. Anyways, it would be a good personal joke for me and my friends whenever we talked about my revenge. BUT the loudest laughter would come from me, ‘cause i was the only one who knew the REAL revenge scheme. Moohaha!

Now, what actually went wrong in my previous relationship with neo? Yes, the bitch has a name. In previous postings, i mentioned him as the ‘bunga yang comel dan pandai berkata-kata’. I didn’t talked much about my breakups with anybody. I didn’t beat the gong and made public announcement about my breakups. Some would know about it, IF they’re lucky enough to be informed by me. Even so, the information won’t be soOo detailed.

Was it totally my fault for the breakup? NO. I know most of my friends would want to point their fingers on me, just as before [on my previous breakup]. I’ve tried my best to give neo the freedom that he deserved. I gave him guidance and taught him lessons. Eventually, he abused his freedom and knowledge. I remembered that he said that the things that he did was because of me. I ‘ill-treated’ him. For the record, i treated him like a QUEEN. Well, he’s definitely a queen; drama queen. When he went to celebrate his ‘friend’’s birthday, drank beer and had mutual blowjobs; was that because i treat him badly? I DON’T THINK SO. It was because he was feeling slutty [maybe he wanted to emulate my sluttiness, back in my hey days]. He didn’t know that i was crying ‘til my eyes bulged out, while he was busy exploring somebody else’s penis with his mouth.

It’s easy to throw the blame on me, ‘cause i’m the ‘keeper’ type. I kept all my emotions in my heart, ‘til i can’t withstand no longer, then i would explode. Some said i should verbalize my emotions. BUT, they should know how to interpret my feelings through my actions. They failed to understand me.

Most people misunderstood me. They thought they can read me like a book. Well, if i’m a book, then i might as well be the bible. The bible is a bit complex in understanding the words, BUT the fundamental idea is simple; it’s all about love. And that’s me. All i ever wanted is to love and be loved in return [haha! So NOT original. Quoted from Moulin rouge, nevertheless it’s a good quote]. I’m not saying that i had a terrible experience while growing up or my parents stole my childhood; i’m NOT Michael Jackson. love, love and love... there are times, that i cried in my room; thinking how lucky i am to be loved by many, BUT i didn’t love some of them in return.

Love, where art thou, o love?...

- re-furbishing -

2008-06-19T16:17:00.001+08:00

i'm B-A-C-K! currently, i'm re-furbishing my blog...

- where had the monkey gone? -

2006-11-07T11:09:00.001+08:00

Is the monkey still alive?... ABSOLUTELY! I’m still alive and hanging. I’ve been MIA due to some inevitable circumstances. So, what actually happened to me during my loOong absence? I was busy with work. I’ve been too busy entertaining fussy air-headed patrons, making coffee, making pastries, buying things etc. Yea! I was on the verge of becoming the greatest barista in the world. And you might think that a barista is a mindless slave whose main purpose of living is serving you a great cup of coffee. NO! We are worthy as a person as you are. You come for the services, and we provide them. BUT what did we get in return [most of the time]? NOT even a smile or a note of thanks. So, the next time you drop by any cafes, please spare a SECOND or two to smile or say thank you to the baristas.
Serving coffee and saving the world from global warming wasn’t the only activities that I’ve been putting my effort on. I’ve also enrolled in a flying school. Now, how cool is that?! A flying monkey [reminded me of the evil flying monkeys in ‘wizard of oz’] and a barista in the same time. Now I felt pretty much like a superhero. A flying monkey by day and a barista by night. :) … but I’m still oblivious of my which one is my ‘real personality’ and which one is my alter ego.
Now, lets talk about flying. Honestly, minus all the sciences and the mathematics, flying is all about common sense. For example, if the runway is not too long, and your aeroplane is fully loaded, what would you do? Here are some options; 1] you can unload some of the rubbish the passengers brought as luggage. Seriously, isn’t it irritating to see a passenger to check in a ‘mini’ bicycle as a luggage?! Don’t tell me they don’t sell toys of that sort in his hometown! [I’ve seen this with my own eyes a few years back when I was in KLIA]. 2] you can instruct some of the cabin crew to release some of the air from their heads. Ooops! A little bit harsh isn’t it?! 3] lose some weight. Yes! I’m referring to my own self. I’m 70kg with a waist size as big as beer barrel [a little bit exaggerative]. I really need to shape up and tone down my body. Gone is my sculpture-like physique [as if I have one previously?!].
Soon we will step into a new year. So, I’m going to make some pre-new year resolutions.
1] work out to have an extremely well-defined, toned and to-die-for body.
2] concentrate on my schooling.
3] play safe… I mean fly safe.
4] drink more juices, so that I won’t be having constipation.
5] eat healthily.
6] quit smoking and stop acting like I’m a factory that produces fume 24/7.
7] did I mention play safe?... I mean fly safe…

- bakit pa ba -

2006-01-17T13:53:00.000+08:00

Nagpapaalam ka, dahil nasaktan kita… Noo'y di makitang mali ako… Ngayo'y alam ko na, sa 'yoy nagkasala… Sana muli ako'y mapatawad pa… Araw-araw kang lumuluha, sa akin ay nagmamakaawa… Noo'y di narinig, pagsamo mo… Bakit pa ba nagawa?... Nasaktan ko ang isang tulad mo… Na labis na nag-mamahal… Di napansin na walang, katulad ang dala ng pag-ibig mo sa akin… Ako sana muli, ay patawarin… Kay tagal akong bulag sa katulad mo… Gayong wagas yaring pag-ibig mo… Iniwan pa kita yaring nag-iisa… Bakit ba nagawa ito sa 'yo?… Araw-araw kang lumuluha, sa akin ay nagmamakaawa… Noo'y di narinig, pagsamo mo…

translation :
you said goodbye because I hurt you… my mistakes were not that obvious, then… now, I know that I did you wrong… I hope you can forgive me…everyday you shed tears, and to me you begged… I didn’t hear your sufferings, then… why did I do it?... that I’ve hurt someone like you… who loved me so much… I never realized that there’s nothing compared… to the love that you’ve given me… I just hope that you can forgive me once again… for a long time, I was blind to someone like you… even though your love was true… I left you alone… why did I do this to you?... everyday you shed tears, and to me you begged… I didn’t hear your sufferings, then…

[mooah+hugs to Baxter for the translation… :)]

- i hope i'm old before i die -

2006-01-12T13:24:00.000+08:00

" dream as if you would live forever,
live as if you would die tomorrow " ~ james byron dean

- hung up -

2005-12-12T12:43:00.000+08:00

WHOA! make that a double WHOA! it's been a month since i last updated my site... loads of happenings, and i wish i can put them in words... hoohoo... no frets, me will post some write-ups soon... so, to all of my admirers, fans, friends and not to forget my haters, please be patient...

adios for now!

[i will try my best to post 'something' this week... :p]

- the nest -

2005-11-11T17:15:00.000+08:00

recently, the house of a good friend of mine; jimmy was featured in the star. here are some of the photos snapped :-

[to read more on the article OR to see more photos, click here]

- letters to GOD. jim and mary -

2005-10-24T14:48:00.000+08:00

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby said, “of course”. He thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior.

"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a VERY good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an "OK " boy this year. I still! would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!

Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and went to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5

God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE
HER AGAIN, SEND ME A RED BIKE!

--- --- ---

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.

One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

[i received these jokes through my email a few months back... :)]

- nonsense -

2005-10-21T17:00:00.000+08:00

i was bored, so I browsed through my photo collection last night. some 'non-sensical' findings :-

I like this pic. I extremely heart the tee. FYI it’s a ‘weezer’ tee. weezer is one of my fave band. oh yea, plus the boy is kind of cute eh?... ehehe… is it too much if I like the tee AND the boy? I’m not that greedy right?...

ok this is keddy. the first time I saw his pic, he reminded me of my buddy; suhaimi. well, keddy looked exactly like suhaimi. eventually, I found out from suhaimi that keddy is actually his cousin. whoa! and suhaimi told me that keddy is gay as well. I guess, it runs in the family?

ok, another case of ‘pelanduk dua serupa’. this guy [who happens to be a pinoy [filipino]] looked like our very own mr akzam. hoohoo… a pinoy with an ah chai look?... ngehehe…

now, this is jay. he used to be one of my close friends. we used to hang out together before he moved back to labuan. I literally laughed my heart out the first time I saw this pic. it’s ‘artistically’ funny. like, must he held that SWORD?!

last but not least, a guy that I still drooled over; jung joon. dah lama x post any pics of him. *wink*

- happy birthday -

2005-10-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

happy 19th birthday to you, janior!

- love is hate? -

2005-10-13T16:25:00.000+08:00

before I go on further, I would like to inform you that I clearly understand the church’s stance on homosexuality.

ok, here goes. GOD is loving, and GOD himself is LOVE. that is what the church taught me, which can also be found in the HOLY SCRIPTURES. then, does GOD ‘hate’ the LOVE between two males?

it is known for a fact that the bonding of two males will NEVER bear any ‘fruits’. BUT does LOVE itself; which is the CORE of our existence deemed as something which is detestable? how can we loath something as beautiful as LOVE? and what if the ‘fruit’ itself is something which is beyond a physical matter?

religions in general are guidelines for us on how to lead a ‘good’ life. but then again, different religions have different perception of ‘goodness’. I’m NOT directly saying that catholicsm is dead wrong in everything. what I’m saying here is, that despite of all the ‘physical’ methods and conducts, at the end of the day the most important part of being a believer is your FAITH. even if you attend church mass every weekend, BUT if your heart is still not opened up to embrace your belief, then your efforts would only be ZERO.

now, as we go back to homosexuality and religion. often, we would only CHOOSE to see something which is real [physical]. like, what you see, is what you get, right?! not definitely the case. you saw two guys holding hands, and kissing; you felt awkward and yucky. why? well, because it isn’t ‘natural’. what if you take an extra effort to look beyond the ‘holding hands and kissing’? if you try hard enough, you can ‘see’ and ‘feel’ the love between them. now, is that wrong? love is a crime eh? if so, then we might as well spread hate more, since love is spiteful. as being said earlier, religions are guidelines. and GOD sent down these guidelines to us through the chosen ones. and these gifted people spread out the WORDS to us. to make this possible, the WORDS were published in printed form. and then, we would ‘study’ and ‘interpret’ them. more often than not, we are too busy to do the studying and interpretation, we lost grip of the original essence of the WORDS.

LOVE will forever be LOVE in whatever form it is. now, that’s what I called the TRUTH.

- sex and the monkey -

2005-10-12T16:00:00.000+08:00

sex has always been fun. throughout my life, I’ve gathered quite a number of experiences. there was this one time, I actually ‘laughed’ at my partner’s dick [‘partner’ refers to my sex partner, NOT my ‘relationship’ partner]. he was a chinese boy. well, when I sucked him, I noticed something odd about his dick. it was like ‘half-cut’ [as in ‘partially’ circumcised]. but I kept quiet throughout the whole activity. it was only when the whole thing was over, then I asked him, “mmm… I noticed something about your dick. can I ask you something?”. he replied, “sure”. “what’s with your dick? it looked cut BUT in the same time it looked uncut”. “oh! I am CUT. see, years ago I went to the clinic AND the doctor wasn’t that good. after the ‘operation’, it still looked as if it’s uncut”. straightaway, I burst into a roaring laughter!. well, it was kind of funny. ehehe… and of course, he frowned because of my laughter. then, I apologized to him. “sorry for laughing, BUT it’s kind of funny to see your dick in that condition. why don’t you go for another circumcision? ahaha!”. well, that doesn’t sound like an apology, right?! ngehehe…

then, there was this another time, when I ‘commented’ my partner’s body [again, ‘partner’ here refers to my sex partner]. it was during foreplay, when I noticed something odd about his body [again?]. he shaved his body hair. don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if you wanted to shave your whole body, ok?! it’s just that, his body seemed to be a bit weird. and so, I asked him [during foreplay], “oh! you shaved. you’re hairy aren’t you?”. with a reluctant smile he gave me a nod. as if I’m not satisfied with his answer, I kept on saying, “I’m quite allergic to hairy people. I felt itchy. mmm… does it take you long to shave?”. ahaha! now, talking about being a pain in the ass! surely, I got ‘punished’ for being such a naughty boy. ooops!

and again, there was this one time, when I had sex with my junior from secondary school. well, he was actually my super junior [he only entered the school when I finished my form 5]. anyways, he was a bit shy. I didn’t know exactly what to be shy of, until he stripped off his clothes. then, there IT was! there was something odd about his balls. like, something was missing. it was during the blowjob sessions, I had a ‘firm’ hold of his balls. it freaked me out for a few seconds. then, I asked him, “oh! do you have hernia? it’s like one of your balls is missing.”. yea, like can’t I be more direct in asking questions eh?!. “yes”, he replied. “oh! does it hurt? I know someone who is close to me who are having the same problem. and he just went for an operation to ‘fix’ it”. hoohoo…

one last bit, there were a few occasions, where I ended sex with chit-chatting instead of cumming. like, while one’s dick is still ‘stucked’ in my ass or vice versa, I would start a conversation, and we would be chit-chatting until the dick popped out of the hole by itself. and we would forgot all about cumming, because we were too busy to do some storytelling. ooowie!

see, who said that sex isn’t fun?! so, care for a spin?... *grin*

- slurp -

2005-10-03T01:13:00.000+08:00

- the adorable JOHN PRATS -

2005-09-30T13:00:00.000+08:00

it was 2 o'clock in the morning. i was bored, so i went down to watch something on the idiot box. fixed myself a beverage, and then i sat comfortably on the floor. i switched on the tv, and there he was! JOHN PRATS! initially i couldn't believe that i was watching his movie. ooowie! i was first 'introduced' to john quite late actually. i saw him in 'it might be you', even there, he didn't play the main role. form there onwards, i became his fan. *slurp*. now, back to the movie. it was titled 'my first romance'. it's a '2 in 1' movie, whereby there are two short movies compiled together. the first part was 'one love'. john prats and heart evangelista played the main role. the thing that made me so touched, was about john's character. the character's name was CHE RICARDO. oh yea! like, is that fate or what?! ricardo! hoohoo... anyways, the second part of the movie [the title was 'two hearts'] was lead by the infamous john lloyd cruz and bea alonzo. i didn't cry much for the first part of the movie, BUT i was deeply in tears when i watched the second part. mainly it was because of the storyline, and not because of john lloyd cruz. ngehehe... after watching the movie, i'm sure that you will be wanting to be in love again.

there are a few things that i like about john prats. he's not tall. i fancy short/medium heighted boys. and i think john prats' height should be around my height or slightly shorter. john prats is not skinny. i saw his body and, it isn't skinny. it's fleshy. definitely a plus factor. i'm not really into skinny OR extremely well-scupltured bod. fleshy is good, it looks more yummy. he is also fair-skinned. there's something about the fairness of one's skin that turn me on [no offence to those who are not fair, AND i'm not a 'colorist']. and above all, john prats is simply GWAPO!. *slurp*. john prats definitely 'topped' my list of fave celebrities. anyways, i snapped a few screencaps of john prats in that movie. and here are some of them :- [again, i'm acting like a freak, snapping screencaps on tv]

- ni ai wo hai shi ta? -

2005-09-29T01:00:00.000+08:00

both of us in darkness, silent. you just want to go home, I don’t want you to. the loneliness is as deep as the ocean, makes us feel scared. your gentle hands, touching my hair softly. your eyes are telling me that you’re yearning for my embrace. but your body is trying to escape when the desires are burning. do you love me or him? is he really better than me? who are you fighting for? do you love me or him? just tell me the truth, do you want to be with me or him? love. love. love. love. is this fate’s punishment? no choice for me to love you or to hate you. fallen in this whirlwind, I just want to get away from it. holding your hands would only caused me to be dragged. your eyes are telling me that you don’t longed for my embrace. every time love becomes difficult, you start to run away. do you love me or him? can I do any better, so that you won’t fight? I would rather hear a cruel answer, I don’t want to be toyed with anymore. I’ve found 100 reasons for you, I’m just being silly. does the silence represent your answer? I should understand it, right? you can no longer see the good of us, who else am I fighting for? does the silence represent your answer? lets not fight anymore, go and love him…

[...wo ning yuan ting dao can ren de hui da...]

- here, there AND everywhere -

2005-09-28T02:42:00.000+08:00

this is a true story based on my own experience. the event took place at a certain hotel in kl in the year 2000. the perpetrators were me and a guy named hadi [not his real name].

a brief intro about my acquaintanceship with hadi. hadi was from Brunei. he was in kl for a debate competition [asean’s inter-varsity]. my college [it’s actually a residential college] was the main organizer. coincidentally, my university was having its annual festival seni. anyways, me and hadi, it was attraction on the first sight. yes, I got turned on when I saw him walking around the college with his video cam [he looked more like a stalker]. as for him, he was excited to see me practicing my dance moves on the stage. and he would record every single move that I’ve made [that would be a bit exaggerating, but basically he was crazy over me… see, I told you he looked like a stalker]. BUT we never actually voiced out our intentions of doing ‘it’. I was a bit upset because when the competition was over, I still hadn’t had the chance to have a shag with him. BUT, thanks to my senior. yes, my senior is this one big DEVIL! now, my senior told me that the Brunei delegates didn’t go back to Brunei. they stayed at a hotel for a few more days [shopping AND more shopping]. I was even more happier when I was informed that hadi invited me and my senior to join them at the hotel room. yay! since, I was a bit disheartened with my teammates [boria group], due to some misunderstandings, I decided to chill out with hadi. [quite a lame excuse for me to cover up my desperateness of wanting to have sex with hadi?!].

to cut the story short, we would go straight to the sex part. now, I was lying down beside hadi. [his other teammate was sleeping on the other bed, while my senior was sleeping on the floor next to hadi’s bed… ahaha!!!]. it was hadi who initiated it. his hands started to fondle me. hoohoo… un-reluctantly, I played along. after a few minutes of kissing, hugging, and groping, hadi wanted to do more. now, this would be a little troublesome, as there were two more people in the room. and so, hadi had this bright idea of doing it in the bathroom. and like an obedient dog I followed him to the bathroom. in the bathroom, right after a few moments of blowjob, he blurted out a comment! “oh, I like your dick! it’s smooth AND not dry”. that comment actually got me a bit dazed. like, you’re doing a blowjob, NOT some skin test?!. anyways, hadi thought it wasn’t safe enough for us to do it in the bathroom. again, he had the brightest idea of doing it somewhere else. this time, he suggested the emergency exit. wohooo! and so, off we went to the emergency exit. had a few rounds of blowjobs there, and then I decided to go back to the room. and there we were, two boys only in their boxer shorts running like a couple of mice along the corridor back to the room. now, we went back to the bathroom to finish off the unfinished business. and so, he squirted in the bathtub and I squirted in his mouth. ooops!

both of us were a bit tired with the running around thingy, BUT it was definitely a fun experience for us. and so it was, my stint here, there AND everywhere [almost]…

- photo snatcher -

2005-09-27T13:39:00.000+08:00

a few weeks ago, i've 'stolen' some photos from my friend's laptop. here are some of the photos :-

the boy's name is jelvi. i've met him in person, and he seems to be a bit 'confusing' [as in, he made me confused to determine his sexual orientation]. whatever it is, i think he would become a 'fine' teacher in the future... ngehehe... [currently, he's doing matriculation for degree in education].

- la la la on the stage -

2005-09-26T01:15:00.000+08:00

i was browsing through my photo collection last night, and i 'stumbled' upon some 'interesting' photos... ngehehe... and so, i picked two of those 'interesting' ones to be posted here :-

if not mistaken, the photos were snapped in 2003. i was the 'captain' [as in the lead vocalist] in a BORIA group. yes, BORIA! wohooo!!! anyways, as you can see in the photos, even on-stage i play around with a 'stick'... >:)

- ni ai wo ma? -

2005-09-22T16:14:00.000+08:00

wo zhen de ai ni...

- 10 slurpees -

2005-09-20T14:48:00.000+08:00

a few nights ago, a fellow monkey; AKZAM sent me tons of MMSes... and so, these are the photos :-

- does the pizza comes together with you? -

- mmm... nice bod... is that all?! -

- am i supposed to paint the wall OR your bod? -

- my engine needs some fixing, do you mind to help me out? -

- yea, i love TOPiary! -

- oooh! you want to pound it OR to stroke it? -

- please unclog my pipes... -

- drill me all you want! -

- have you ever considered mopping the floor using your bod? -

- you clean my windows, i clean your windows... -

- raining AND wet -

2005-09-09T15:58:00.000+08:00

boo! I’m back! moohaha!!! a very sincere sorry to my friends, fans, admirers AND haters for me being MIA. TWO main reasons for my hiatus :-

ONE; i was a bit busy doing some preparation for my new job [hint : handling loan applications… :p]. and so it was, yesterday I went to this ‘corporate agency training’ thingy. when I decided to join this company, I knew I would be working with ‘old-timers’ [no offence]. now, back to the ‘training’ session, I was the only person in the room who was at the age of below 35 years old; I’m the BABY!!! I felt a bit lost BUT I gathered up my ‘strength’ to go through the whole session [I was humming ‘I will survive’ in my head most of the time]. initially, the training session was meant for the ‘sub-agents’, and NOT for the staff. BUT my boss had this bright idea of adding me AND my other colleague [basically the both of us will be handling most of the work] in the list of ‘trainees’. as expected, I was the earliest person to reach the ‘venue’ [definitely an A+ for punctuality?!].

when the room was nearly full, then I made a ‘grand entrance’. moohahaha!!! the other ‘trainees’ were a bit ‘confused’ with my presence, as some of them were old enough to be my father/mother! like, ‘what the hey is this BOY doing here?!’. I took a sit AND started to bitch about the whole thing with my buddy through text messages [sms]. the main speaker/facilitator [he’s the GM and came all the way from the main office in KL with his ‘homies’] was fun and humorous, at least he kept me breathing through the whole ‘process’.

anyways, I’m glad that I survived AND I think I should stop calling my colleague an ‘angkol dogok’ [go and ask your kadazan-dusun friend what it means… ngehehe…].

for the second reason of me NOT updating my site for a loOong time, would be the net connection at home is faulty. I have to patronize a net café to access the internet. ‘public places’ are definitely NOT conducive enough for my brain to function. I’m a blonde, remember?! wohooo!!!

- what's my age again?! -

2005-09-01T03:30:00.000+08:00

i had a short conversation with my cousin's friend's father a few evenings ago... an excerpt from that conversation :-

my cousin's friend's father : you finished schooling already ka?
me : yes.
my cousin's friend's father : form 5? form 6?
me : eh?...

- beer -

2005-08-25T01:19:00.000+08:00

- gothica -

2005-08-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

- 21-08-1980 -

2005-08-21T01:51:00.000+08:00

...21.08.1980; 25 years ago i was born on this date...

- happy birthday -

2005-08-20T01:56:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to AKZAM!!! bah! makan kek banyak-banyak, nanti itu mata tambah sepet... hua hua hua... GABBY!!!

--- --- ---

another birthday boy. happy birthday to CHRISTOPHER!!! stay cute na, kaibigan ko!

- team all-stars on tv.cute shop assistant on tv -

2005-08-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

dah lama me didn't post screencaps. the last one was the ones of the cute jung joon. anyways, i watched mhi [tv3] this morning to watch the interview of my mates [team all-stars] about their achievements. and so, i took some screencaps of the interview.

- [from left to right] john, deaha, marya, sandra -

--- --- ---
in the afternoon, i watched the re-runs of 'my time out'. i was friggin' delighted to spot TOM. tom is this cute shop assistant in london. he works in a perfume shop. and the british accent made it more 'scentifying'. [me taking screencaps of cuties on tv seems to be a bit freaky, isn't it?!]

- born with a purpose -

2005-08-17T01:20:00.000+08:00

happy birthday
to the one and only
Grand Mistress of Re-invention; Madonna

"sometimes i think i was born to live up to my name. how could i be anything else but what i am having been named Madonna? i would either have ended up a nun or this." - madonna

- gol & gincu -

2005-08-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

adakah cinta suatu permainan?; that’s the tagline for GNG [gol & gincu]. love IS a game. sometimes, we win AND sometimes we lose. well, that’s how I like to see it.

anyways, back to the movie. I’m delighted to watch a local teen movie. yea, a teen movie. and with that in mind, DO NOT expect any unexpected storyline/ending. it’s all ‘formulaic’ [‘hollywoodish’].

simple story; boy ditched girl. girl wanted to do something to win him back. and of course, there would be another girl involved. the typical ‘let the best girl wins’ case. and throw in some teenage issues [friendship, pre-marital pregnancy, etc]. well, that sums up what GNG is all about.

BUT, with good acting, brilliant script AND great soundtrack, the movie is worth watching.

and so, I end this short write-up with a quote from the movie; “it’s all about accessorising”.

- BLOGUNDI -

2005-08-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

my oh my! what's with the voting thingy on malaysian blogs?! i nearly had a multiple heart attack when i spot a blog which has 8 different ranking thingy last night!!! EIGHT?! like, ONE isn't enough to satisfy one's 'desire' to be the BEST?!

being 'known' AND 'acknowledged' is gratifying, BUT if you're getting the acknowledgements through some 'cheap' means, then you might as well make your blog to be available for voting on the next season of af [akademi fantasia]. more coverage means more voting, right?! OR maybe some smartass can even provide a special line for voting the top blogs of malaysia? imagine this:-

"jika anda rasa blog ini adalah pilihan anda, sila taip BLOGUNDI [nama blog], dan hantar ke nombor xxxx."

cool, isn't it? N-O-T!

and so, are you game for FAME?!

- pesanan khidmat masyarakat : hadapi dengan senyuman -

2005-08-12T00:29:00.000+08:00

hadapi dengan senyuman
semua yang terjadi
biar terjadi...
hadapi dengan tenang jiwa
semua kan baik baik saja

bila ketetapan tuhan
sudah ditetapkan
tetaplah sudah...
tak ada yang bisa merubah
dan takkan bisa berubah

relakanlah saja ini
bahwa semua yang terbaik
terbaik untuk kita semua
menyerahlah untuk menang

[hadapi dengan senyuman [dewa]]

- community service -

2005-08-11T14:05:00.000+08:00

i've always been a 'music provider' to my friends. they would ask me for hard-to-get-'locally' songs. and so, i decided to make a community service project on my site. i made a slot for music downloads at the bottom end of my sidebar. so that, the public can enjoy FREE music. hua hua hua!!!

you can join this project by making requests OR even contribute download links. for requests/contributions, kindly direct them to my mailbox [riqiriqi@yahoo.com].

remember, the motto here is "what i get, i give back to the community AND save the monkeys AND not to forget, world peace..."

- the 1 borneo.obat gatal.soalan ramalan spm -

2005-08-07T18:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i went to the grand launching carnival of '1 borneo'. it was more like a 'syok sendiri' event. in the flyers, it was stated that there will be lots of exciting stuff during the carnival. AND the only exciting stuff for me, was the fashion show. other than that it was a total ooowex... even the 'grab as much $$$ as you can' [a person would be 'sealed' in a glass 'case', and using some wind thingy, the $$$ will be flying and floating in the case. AND the person supposed to grab/catch as much $$$ as he/she can... *yawn*] was also a B!G 'duh?!'... i snapped lots of pix during the fashion show. BUT i will only be posting them some other time. for now, just feast your eyes with some pix of the proposed model of 1 borneo [dubbed as the largest hypermall in sabah]...

--- --- ---
currently, i'm suffering from some weird AND itchy red spots on my thighs, all thanks to some food allergies... hua hua hua... i went to the clinic, and got myself some medicine... it's kind of funny, as i was prescribed to THREE different kinds of 'gatal' medicine... adeh!... i guess, i'm soOo itchy eh?!

the red spots

the cure for gatalness

--- --- ---
soalan ramalan spm :

sila perhatikan gambar ini :-

sila jelaskan gambar tersebut tidak kurang daripada TIGA patah perkataan.

- some pix of team all-stars in uk -

2005-08-05T01:47:00.000+08:00

here are some pix of team all-stars in uk [courtesy of the lovely miss marya]...

- clap to this -

2005-08-01T09:55:00.000+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

- team allstars -

team allstars went to UK [16th international cheerleading championships] a few days ago, AND they are coming home with TWO trophies [1st place [new squad dance] AND 3rd place [senior co-ed intermediate]]... yay!!!...

V is definitely for V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

- the latest model of nokia mobile phone -

2005-07-29T14:30:00.000+08:00

WoW! here's a pic of the latest model of nokia mobile phone with camera!

- it's HOT and FATCH -

- my daddy AND his 'holy' joke -

2005-07-27T01:37:00.000+08:00

both of my parents are humorous, love to laugh a lot, can be extremely critical, sarcastic AND loving [i guess, that explain my attributes... ngehehe...]...

anyways, my daddy has a particular joke that he loves to tell pipol [especially on a drive-about on a road yang berlubang-lubang; tak rata]. it goes like this :

there was this one time, i [as in my daddy] went for a drive in a rural area with a priest [my daddy was a former forestry officer, so it's usual for him to go in the hutan and rural areas]. and so, the road was full of lubang-lubang. i said to the priest,"father, i hope you're ok with the ride. the road is not rata." the priest replied,"oh! of course i'm ok. the road is very 'HOLY'". ['holy' as in banyak holes]

- @--)--- terakhir -

2005-07-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

i heart this song by romeo titled bunga terakhir. the first time i heard this song was when it was featured in a local tele-movie [more than a year ago]. and since that moment i've been hunting for that song over the net. and, i was over-joyed when i finally got the song yesterday. yay!... oh yea, i cried when i watched that tele-movie... the song complemented the tele-movie... hoohoo...

an excerpt from that song;

...bunga terakhir
ku persembahkan kepada yang terindah
sebagai suatu tanda cinta untuknya
bunga terakhir
menjadi suatu kenangan yang tersimpan
takkan pernah hilang 'tuk selamanya...

[to download this song, right clicked here, and then choose 'Save Target As'. the song is in 20kbps wma format]

- my funniest moment -

2005-07-20T03:15:00.000+08:00

“my funniest moment was when someone jerked me off while I was sleeping.”

this particular incident happened a couple of years ago. I was hanging out at my buddies’ hostel at one of the local varsity. I was once a resident of the same hostel. if not mistaken, it was during an annual varsity-level arts festival. and so, as usual I would be in and out of the hostel, just to help them out with the preparations, practices, etc.

I was staying out-campus then, so there were loads of stories that I’ve missed out. catching up has always been the best solution. and since these catching up sessions would always end up quite late [can extend ‘til dawn], spending the night over would the right choice.

and so, I went to one of my buddies’ room [each room ‘housed’ two occupants; the room was separated by a B!G wooden cupboard in the middle]. we had quite a long chat. Initially I wanted to sleep on the floor [beralaskan comforter… hoohoo…], BUT then my buddy ‘offered’ me to sleep on his roommate’s bed. I was a bit hesitant, BUT after much convincing, I ‘accepted’ his offer.

“ala, kao tido je kat katil roommate aku tu. he’s not around. he’s at his kampong, AND will only be back tomorrow,” my buddy told me.

“your roommate ni same species OR not?” I asked.

“kononnye die tu straight. BUT aku tak caya… hehehehe”

“ahahaha! ok ok”

and so, I slept on my buddy’s roommate’s bed.

long after that, [while I was already frolicking in another realm] suddenly I felt someone/something was lying beside me. now, this got me scared. and so, with my eyes half shut, I braved myself to ‘look’ around. I saw my buddy was sleeping on the other side. yikes! now, who the hey was this person lying beside me?! soon enough, I saw his face, gosh! it was my buddy’s roommate! apparently, he’s BACK! I kept my cool, tried NOT to move and lied still. it wasn’t long, that he started to get closer with me. at this moment, I can even feel his breathing. his hands ‘crept’ to my crotch [I was wearing a singlet AND a boxer]. and soon, his hands started to work my tools out [at this moment, the hands were still holding ‘it’ from the outside]. and then, he slowly ‘slipped’ his hands into my boxer. tada!!! now, he was really working it out. ahahaha!!! it went on for a few minutes before he stopped. yea! he stopped wanking me! he got up AND went out of the room afterwards. :( … damn! potong stim jak! ahahaha!!!

and so, I continued my sleep, and woke up the next morning. AND yes, of course I told my buddy about it.

and so it was, the supposedly straight roommate wasn’t straight after all?! mmm…

- 10 years -

2005-07-19T00:58:00.000+08:00

- c. 1995 -

- c. 2005 -

- aku membuat persembahan -

2005-07-18T13:33:00.000+08:00

kini, giliran aku membuat persembahan. jantung aku berdegup kencang bagai babi-babi menari cha-cha penuh kegirangan. aku berjalan menuju ke arah tuan [atau lebih senang dipanggil puan?] pengacara. ‘aku mesti berjalan dengan macho, kena maintain,’ kataku di dalam hati. aku memberi salam dan mencapai tangan tuan pengacara untuk menyalamnya. setelah sedikit bla bla bla [bualan kosong yang cukup mencabar IQ] dengan tuan pengacara, dia mempersilakan aku ke tengah pentas untuk memulakan persembahan.

aku sedikit gugup. ‘ah! apa yang nak dirisaukan?! aku buat apa-apa pun, peminat aku masih ramai DAN rating aku takkan turun!,’ aku memberi motivasi kepada diri sendiri.

muzik minus one mula berkumandang. penari-penari latar mula bergerak terkinja-kinja memenuhi pentas. rakan-rakan peserta yang lain turut sama beronggeng. ‘wah! sungguh fun!’ lalu aku mula menggoyangkan kepala aku. goyangan kepalaku tidak synchronized dengan beat, kerana sememangnya aku ini buta beat, buta note, buta muzik, buta seni dan buta segala-galanya.

lalu, aku mula membuka mulut dan melontarkan suaraku yang memang tidak mempunyai tone yang sedap, namun masih menjadi kegilaan ramai. aku menyembelih lagu itu, dengan penuh gaya. setelah selesai persembahan, seperti yang kujangka, peminat-peminat bersorak-sorai. ‘wah! ini sudah cukup meyakinkan aku untuk menang pertandingan ini!’

tiba masanya, untuk panel pengkritik yang kononnya professional dan arif untuk memberi saranan.

pengkritik pertama; ibu tunggal anak 38 yang tak sedar diri yang dia umpama krismas kek tapi berlagak muda. seperti minggu-minggu sebelumnya, saranannya sekali lagi mencabar IQ;’awak boleh beronggeng rupanya’. aku tersenyum puas. ‘memang aku pandai beronggeng, siapa cakap aku tak boleh beronggeng?!’, kata hatiku.

pengkritik kedua; seorang ‘penggiat’ seni dalam pelbagai sub-bidang kesenian; baik menulis, mengkritik, berlakon [lakonan yang keras kejang dan tidak meyakinkan], menyanyi [hanya layak untuk menyanyikan bait-bait; ‘bukan itu, bukan ini’], dan mengacara [cukup jelek dan menjengkelkan]. saranannya; ‘awak sememangnya adalah DUNIA’. sekali lagi aku tersenyum sambil peminat-peminatku bersorak bagai cipan-cipan girang mendapat bunga.

pengkritik ketiga; seorang yang berpengalaman. saranannya; ‘awak kena adil dengan penyokong-penyokong awak’. aku bingung seketika. ‘adil?! apa aku tidak berlaku adil dengan mereka selama ini?! peduli apa aku! yang penting aku MENANG!’

- taMat –

- hot -

2005-07-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

it's hot... really H-O-T!!! aaargh!!!

- destiny -

2005-07-12T23:55:00.000+08:00

What if I never knew
What if I never found you
I'd never have this feeling in my heart
How did this come to be
I don't know how you found me
But from the moment I saw you
Deep inside my heart I knew

Baby you're my destiny
You and I were meant to be
With all my heart and soul
I give my love to have and hold
And as far as I can see
You were always meant to be my destiny

I wanted someone like you
Someone that I could hold on to
And give my love until the end of time
But forever was just a word
Something I'd only heard about
But now you're always there for me
When you say forever I believe

Maybe all we need is just a little faith
'Cause baby I believe that love will find the way

Baby you're my destiny
You and I were meant to be
With all my heart and soul
I give my love to have and hold
And as I far as I can see
From now until eternity
You were always meant to be my destiny

[destiny [jim brickman]]

- shall we? II -

2005-07-11T02:31:00.000+08:00

and there we were…
both were shy and scared…
both were wanting and waiting for it to happen…
darkness was our only cloth…
and then, I reached for his head…
now, our lips were interlocked…
heart beating faster…
gentle strokes…
soft moans…
heavy breathing…
relieved…
sweaty…
shall we?...

- the LOVE that i've known -

2005-07-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

"love does not expire, it inspires"

- tempted to touch -

2005-07-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

shall we?...

- bunga yang comel dan pandai berkata-kata -

2005-07-08T01:00:00.000+08:00

suatu petang, aku berjalan. dalam tidak sengaja kutemui suatu benih yang comel rupanya. tidak pernah kutemui benih sedemikian rupa. benih apakah ini? bunga? buah? atau sekadar lalang?...

lalu, aku bawa benih itu pulang. secara rahsia, aku tanam benih itu dalam tanah harapan di dalam pasu kegirangan. ku letak pasu itu di sudut bilik, di mana sinar matahari selalu memancar…

dan saban hari aku memerhatikan perkembangan benih itu. kusirami benih itu dengan air kesabaran.

setahun berlalu, benih itu akhirnya tumbuh menjadi bunga yang comel. sangat comel rupanya dan pandai berkata-kata.

namun, pada suatu hari, ketika aku keluar dari bilikku, datang si kuda perkasa menerjah masuk ke dalam bilikku. kuda itu, juga tertarik hati dengan bunga itu, lalu dihidunya. selepas itu, si kuda perkasa pun meninggalkan bilikku.

sekembalinya aku ke bilikku, si bunga comel pun menceritakan kepadaku, tentang kejadian itu. betapa hancurnya hatiku… benih yang kujaga setahun lamanya, telah dihidu oleh si kuda perkasa...

setelah puas aku menangis tiga hari tiga malam, akhirnya aku pergi melihat bunga itu. sungguh kasihan keadannya. si bunga juga turut bersedih. lalu, aku dakap bunga yang comel dan pandai berkata-kata itu sambil berkata, "wahai bunga yang comel dan pandai berkata-kata, tidak sesekali aku membencimu dan menyalahkanmu, kerana sememangnya aku belum memilikimu sepenuhnya…"...

- 25 things about ricardo -

2005-07-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

hi! my name’s RICARDO, nice to meet you, and…

01] I’m a sucker for love songs. I can easily cry over a mellow love song.

02] cute boys are coolness! pretty girls are fatch!

03] I can be secretive most of the time.

04] I can be hyper-critical. I criticize almost everything. see, I’m just being defensive, because the whole world is against me… >:)

05] whenever I’m on WinMX, I would intentionally cancel out my uploads whenever they reached 95%. it’s a pleasure for me to make the others to feel frustrated.

06] whenever I see a blind person trying to cross a road, I would help him/her to get to the other side.

07] whenever I see a pregnant woman in a bus/lrt/public transport, I would offer my seat to her.

08] I may look a bit naughty and brutal in my photos, BUT in person, I’m just an average monkey.

09] I’m not good in accepting compliments. compliments suffocate me.

10] i’m indecisive.

11] before the end of a sentence, I might contradict myself more than once.

12] I like music, food, arts, sciences, and photography.

13] I’m a mood swinger.

14] my favourite colour is black.

15] I enjoy smoking.

16] I heart chocolate.

17] I sleep without a pillow under my head.

18] most of the time, I sleep with some music being played.

19] I go for a haircut once in two weeks.

20] I heart sleeping, hugging AND kissing.

21] I like to cut myself using a razor blade.

22] I don’t wear undies.

23] I heart my eyes and brows.

24] i don’t quite like other pipol to snap my photo. that’s why I do self-shots most of the time.

25] if I should love again, if I find someone new, it would be make-believe, for in my heart it would be you…

- sense AND sensibility -

2005-07-06T05:04:00.000+08:00

ah! the monkey is busted for the gazillionth time. one of those people that I’ve ‘bashed’ through my write-ups came across my site. his reactions; he’s kind of ok with it. well, at least it’s better than ‘riq, I wish that you’ll be condemned to eternal hell’.

when I started to stick to this ONE blog and manage it [my previous ones were deserted already], I knew that there will come a day that the people that I’m ‘acquainted’ with will come across it. does this deter me from being hyper-critical and bitchy [not all the time]? NO.

with actions, come responsibilities. berani buat, berani tanggung, right?.

some of them [those that I’ve mentioned in my posts OR the general viewers] were kind of ok with it. BUT some can be very hostile [for example, a childhood friend of mine gave me negative remarks upon viewing my site].

and so, I’m only going to write this once; if you are ok with the things that are featured in this site, then peace be with you. on the other hand, if you’re not ok with them, then you can always do yourself a favour by looking at your own reflection on a mirror, and tell me whether the things that I’ve posted are sensible OR not.

selamat!

p/s a friend used to say this to me, ‘it’s ok to be straight, AND it’s ok to be un-straight. BUT, it’s NOT ok to be narrow’.

- we are related -

2005-07-05T19:14:00.000+08:00

I witnessed an ancient ritual of the dusun lotud; MANGAHAU. it’s a ritual which was performed by the TANTAGAS [lotud priestesses]. the last time I witnessed this ritual, was when I was a small boy, and I remembered how excited I was then. the one thing that I like about the whole ritual was to see the tantagas in their costumes [it was the siwot [the head ornaments which is stuck into the hairbun. it consists of four bunches of red cloth and black cock feathers. refer to the pix posted on my previous post] that caught my attention as a small boy. I’ve never actually seen the ‘real’ costume of the lotuds then].

there was something memorable about this ritual for me, this time around. the ritual was hosted by my cousin. apparently, a cousin which I’m not familiar with. and so, when I was there I spotted some familiar and some unfamiliar faces. ONE of the familiar faces which I spotted was a young boy [he’s 19 years of age], and I’ve been eyeing this boy since last year. he was always around at the net café where I would spent my time at whenever my pc was suffering from PMS or my internet access account had been suspended…;p…

I was quite delighted to see him there. with a watchful eye, I followed every movement that he made, and I noticed that he was quite ‘mesra’ with the hosts, and so I concluded that they were his parents. *sigh*… I asked around, AND it was confirmed! he is their son. *sigh* I had a crush on my own nephew… ooowaaa!!!

as I was computing the whole thing, I found it kind of ironic and funny. the whole ritual is about paying tributes and respect to my ancestors, and in somewhat ‘weird’ circumstances, I finally ‘knew’ the one boy that had caught my attention for nearly a year, and only to find out that we're related. so much for ‘divine’ intervention eh?!... adeh!...

well, at least now I have a reason to be closer to him; I’m his UNCLE. *sigh*. [I’m still frustrated actually…]

now, to make things worse, there was another guy [he’s 27/167/60/sino-kadazan] by the name of richard [same name with me, only his is the ‘english’ version of my name… now, it’s getting freaky isn’t it?!]. at first look, his kind of ok, as in ‘passable’. but as I got to know him better, I began to developed allergies towards him. TWO main allergies; one, he’s a bit ‘touchy’. he tends to touch me here, there and everywhere as his will. I detest strangers or new acquaintances to be dermatologically in contact with me. the second one, is about his personal attributes. he’s so full of himself, I mean, he might think that the mirrors would follow him wherever he goes. saying things like, “I’m single BUT I’m cute” and “my camera is quite heavy, and that’s why my arms are quite well-built”. that is soOo NOT fatch! more like a yux factor.

anyways, yesterday I voluntarily offered myself to send richard back home [he stays in kk, and he’s not part of the ‘flock’. he was only present for the ritual because he wanted to snap some pix for documentation]. so, in the morning he called me and we made arrangements. in the same time, I told neo [the cute boy who happens to be my nephew] that me and richard will be going to kk. and I was glad that neo wanted to join.

as we were driving to kk [I mean as I was driving… aaargh!], it got a little bit weird. I have this weird feeling that I became the third wheel, which is soOo unbecoming for me. there they were, or should I put there was richard who tried his best to show some brotherly love to neo, which is sickening. ooowex! [jealousy?!]. he used some pukifying words like, ‘adik kesayanganku’ which was to me like a bee dancing happily in my ears. aaargh! BUT, as usual, I kept my cool and not over-reacted. I was trying my best to stop my diva-persona to take control of myself [even though I pretty much would like to throw richard out of the car].

during our little tea break, this skanky guy said something unbelievable! “riq, I would be glad if you can take good care of neo, since you will be in tuaran as well”. and my reply was an evil laugh. like, hello?! since when did i facilitate a child care centre?! richard was taken aback by my reactions. again, with a serious look and a brotherly-toned voice he said, “hey, I’m serious ok”. and again, I laugh! moohahaha!!! eventually, I gave him a ‘convincing’ nod and told him that he shouldn’t worry as neo is my NEPHEW! and I would ‘take good care’ of him’ [BUT not for richard, it was for my own sake! ahahaha!!!].

afterwards, I sent richard home. and there we were, just me and neo. had a nice drive with him. he was a bit shy with me, so there were lots of silent interludes in between our chat sessions.

after sending neo back to his house, I drove home…alone…

well, I guess I just have to live life as it is. if it’s not meant to be, then neo sememangnya bukan untukku…

- sumayau -

2005-07-04T04:44:00.000+08:00

- mangahau -

2005-07-03T14:22:00.000+08:00

- have AND want.it might be you.the story of love -

2005-07-01T06:00:00.000+08:00

“if you can’t have what you want, then try to want what you have and be grateful.”

I want GABBY!!!

--- --- ---
‘it might be you’… how can you be certain of your mr right? NO, you can never be certain… finding love is an on-going quest… multiple choices AND possibilities make it a harder task, BUT more fun and thrilling. you’ll never know what’s in store for you.

honestly, after my previous break up, I thought that’s the end of LOVE for me. now, I see things quite differently. a break up isn’t the end of the road. things happen for certain reasons.

and so, when you’re down because you’re single, DO NOT fret, because I truly believe there’s someone out there waiting for you. only time will tell, AND never quit asking the same question, ‘it might be you?’…

it might be you [steven bishop]

time...
i've been passing time watching trains go by
all of my life...
lying on the sand watching seabirds fly
wishing there would be
someone waiting home for me

something's tellling me it might be you
it's telling me it might be you
all of my life...

looking back as lovers go walking past
all of my life...
wondering how they met and what makes it last
if I found the place
would I recognize the face?

something's telling me it might be you
yeah, its telling me it might be you

so many quiet roads to take
so many dreams to make
and with so much love to make
i think we're gonna need some time
maybe all we need is time

and its telling me it might be you
all of my life...

i've been saving love songs and lullabies
and there's so much more
no one's ever heard before

something's telling me it might be you
yeah, it's telling me it must be you
and I'm feeling it will just be you
all of my life...

it's you
it's you
i've been waiting for all my life
maybe it's you...

--- --- ---
[I got this from Brandon]

the story of love

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived; happiness, sadness, and all the others, including love.

One day it was announced that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So they prepared their boats to leave.

Love was the only one that stayed. He wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment.

When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. He began looking for someone to ask for help.

Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere."

Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."

Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, " Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.

Love began to cry. Then, he heard a voice that said, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much he owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

- CHEER 2005.RSU -

2005-06-30T22:20:00.000+08:00

venue : stadium putra
date & time : july 2 [9am - 1pm] & july 3 [1pm - 6pm]

--- --- ---
i never missed out on catching the malaysian inter-school cheerleading competitions. BUT, unfortunately, for the first time, i won't be around to be with the other cheerlings... *sigh*... anyways, no matter what, my love AND support will forever be with them.

in regards of the cheer season, i've changed my background music [hollaback girl [gwen stefani]].

here are some pix of the RSU cheerleading squad [one of the top [or is it the top] cheerleading squad in asia]. some of the squad members came to kl recently to conduct a cheerleading clinic...

- WRDD is contagious.tommy.sweet smile -

2005-06-29T13:41:00.000+08:00

i thought alan was the only one that was suffering from WRDD [weird response deficit disorder]. to my surprise [actually i'm not surprise at all], another friend of mine is having the same disorder. my friend; lenny was texted by me on monday afternoon, AND he only replied my text 36 HOURS after that. i think, that's a chronic case of WRDD.

beware pipol! i think WRDD is contagious!

--- --- ---
meet my new adek; tommy. he's 18/170/60/chinese+malay. one memorable text from him; 'adek pandai mengurut. nanti kalau kita jumpa, adek urutkan abang ya. mwah!'... ehehehe... another one of those anak ikan that will be listed in my catalogue... ahahaha!!! unfortunately, he's staying in sandakan... *sigh*... i might as well go for a trip to sandakan... ehehehe... >:)

tommy

--- --- ---
i got this pic from brandon:-

sweet smile

- kau tak pernah jauh -

2005-06-28T14:14:00.000+08:00

...walau seribu liku di depanku akan tetap aku tempuh dalam hatiku kau tak pernah jauh walaupun terpaksa ku merindu tanpa jemu dan selalu sentiasa dekat di hatiku...

- aarol alan.mie willy.pacarku -

2005-06-27T13:27:00.000+08:00

aarol, sorry for not sending you to the airport yesterday… I terlajak titon la… [aarol’s flight was 9am, I woke up around 10am… hoohoo]… next time, I belanja you minom k… hohoho!!!...
ok, done with apologies. now, comes the bashing part…

alan, you’re such a friggin’ self-centred fucko! I hate you!

me and alan; supposingly we’re going to have a meet-up yesterday. and he stood me up for the THIRD time [the first time was last week, and the second time was last Saturday].

just because you THINK that you’re cute, it doesn’t mean that you’re ’privileged’ to do everything as you will…

one more thing that I hate about alan; he’s so damn SLOW in replying text messages [for example, I texted him at 12PM, and he replied 90 minutes after that]…and when I called him, he didn’t pick up the call. his excuse was, ‘sorry, I didn’t notice your call…’. maybe he has WRDD [weird response deficit disorder]…

--- --- ---
I went chatting on the net [again?!]. I’ve NOT been chatting for quite some time.

the nick that I used was hushMONKEY. not many pipol knew about this nick. after spending half an hour chatting, I changed my nick to riqiriqi. now, this is a nick which most of the ‘frequent’ chatters are familiar with. ahahaha!!!

soon after I changed my nick, a guy sent me a message through the main chatroom; ‘riqi! are you THE riqi; john’s friend’. and me being blonde, I simply say ‘yea’. wohooo!!! and so, I PM [private messaged] him. his name was mie. quite a funny guy. I asked him about which john was he referring to, because there are lots of johns out there. so, he said it’s the tall and dancer john. ;p…

as we chatted along, he mentioned something about a guy in kk. his name was willy. mmm… I know a few willies in kk… ehehehe… I wonder, which willy… and so, mie showed willy’s pix… wohooo!!! the pix were soOo suggestive AND inviting. suddenly, I had a sudden rush of sensation, my body felt heaty, my mind was in a state of hallucination, I can’t think well… it was at this moment, that I excused myself from mie, to go and had a cold shower… *grin*…

--- --- ---
when I listened to projek pop’s pacarku superstar, something popped out in my mind… kalo pacar gue superstar?... mmm…

an excerpt from pacarku superstar;
dia berada jauh di sana
dan aku di rumah
memandang kagum pada dirinya
dalam layan kaca
apakah mungkin seorang biasa
menjadi pacar seorang superstar?...

kalo gue pacarin sama yang ini... mmm...

- xiao di.orbit cinta ragbi.feel it.superimposed -

2005-06-25T12:39:00.000+08:00

the return of ah beng! [ah beng was mentioned in my previous posts, BUT I forgot which posts… ;p]… ok la, I’m going to be kind to him, and call him xiao di from now onwards… anyways, as mentioned earlier, xiao di had made a come-back into my life [as if?!]… he did a great Houdini disappearing act for the past few months… and yesterday, when I checked one of my web profiles, he messaged me. wohoo!!! the message was a bit scary as he commented something about my dick [ok, my bad, as I put a ‘suggestive’ pic on my profile].

and, of course I told ray all about it. as ray put it; ‘my GOD! he’s now in advertising eh. that’s hot’… ahahaha!!! ray, you’re so mean, and I’m insulted as me, myself has a web profile… ray, FYI, not all of us were born to be 'naturally' laku like you… ooops!

some pix of the boy that I used to have a crush on;

I think reading his web profile and looking at his pix is as scary as meeting up with him in person. he is highly imaginative [for example, in his profile, he stated that he has a hairy body. i've seen his body before...hairy? NOT!], maybe I should hire him to be my muse in writing fiction stories.

--- --- ---
I’ve been spending my Friday midnights watching a malay drama series on tv. the title is ‘orbit cinta benjamin’. you think the title is funny?, wait ‘til you watch the whole show. it’s even more ticklish and horrifying.

I think horror has taken its form in a supposed-to-be love oriented series. a brief sum-up about the show; the story evolves around Benjamin [whose mother is suffering a ‘weird’ mental illness, and the father is having an affair with another woman]. then, there are these four blondes, whose main role was to create confusion among the boys, and gapped the boys’ friendship. in the same time, these blondes will try to outdo each other on who is more blonder. oh yea, Benjamin also has three more rugger friends.

some hilarious things that I spot in the show:-

-] the main character; Benjamin is a rugger. he looks more cuter without holding the rugby ball 24/7. yes, he holds the ball wherever he goes. BUT, during practices, I didn’t even see him hold the ball. how ironic…[I never see my big brother holds the rugby ball 24/7, AND he’s a rugbynatic]. the show wanted to portray Benjamin as a rugger who has a soft heart… awww… so schweet… NOT!

-] Felisha [one of the four main blondes], the girl that Benjamin hearts… she is more scarier. she would bring a small cage [there’s a hamster or some sort in it] wherever she goes. going to classes, lunches, everywhere with a small cage. where the hey did they get this ‘eccentric’ idea?! she might as well has an iguana as a pet, at least that’s more fatch.

-] most of the actors need ‘Acting for Morons’ classes. they can’t act well. extremely keras kejang. non-articulation is such a turn-off.

-] during the end credits, I saw a horrific name; ‘Cheer Girl Sekolah Sri Aman’… like hello?!... everybody in the local cheer scene would know how lousy this team is [no offence, BUT they are simply lousy].

the THREE things that I heart about the show:-

-] as mentioned earlier, it evolves around ruggers and blondes. ruggers; mmm…

-] the theme song is nice…

-] the concept and storyline is nice [but wasted…]…

all in all, the moral of the story is; to catch the attention of a cute rugger, you SHOULD bring a small cage wherever you go. it works; ONLY in this show…

--- --- ---
I’ve changed the background music for my site. the new song is the tamperer’s feel it… a song which I danced to during my teenage years… down memory lane… hoohoo… oh yea, a re-mix version of this song was featured in QAF-USA.

--- --- ---
one of my ‘works of art’:-

superimposed!

- just pix -

2005-06-24T02:42:00.000+08:00

jason and the cat

--- --- ---

elvi tengah layan feeling jadik ratu, siap ada floral crown lagi... maganda ikaw na sister!

--- --- ---

a gwapo boy at a makan shop

- cuties.beach monkey -

2005-06-23T04:24:00.000+08:00

two cute boys at a makan shop

--- --- ---

... lalu ada monkey terdampar di tepi pantai... ehehehe...

- kata aku… [teristimewa buat gadis itu] -

2005-06-22T16:20:00.000+08:00

andai aku bisa
merangkai kata untuk bicara
mengungkap gundah melanda hati
melukis kasih tiada seri

mungkin kita lahir untuk bersama
walau bersama ada duka
tidak sesekali aku sesali
walau sakit tidak bertepi

hanya kelam menjadi sahabat
sinar mentari bukan pengubat

ingin diri menagih sayang
walau harapan tiada bayang
bersandar pada ‘mungkin’ dan ‘jika’
hanya DIA penentu segala…

[i've created a new site for my works [writings, graphics, etc]... should you wanted to read more, please do so at hushkarya.blogspot.com]

- happy birthday -

2005-06-16T14:28:00.000+08:00

to my dear buddy; miznina, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

- miznina -

wo! miznina!
go! go!
miznina!
wo! miznina!
go! go!
miznina!

[oh ndet! umo dah 25 dah, so iboh melar gilak olahan ya k... apa kata?!... mooah+hugs...]

- 15 06 -

2005-06-15T14:25:00.000+08:00

from little babyboy to mami; HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

- ii boboy [c. 1980] -

- ii mami ku [c. 1960s] -

hushMONKEY

- tu es foutu -

- comic comic comico -

- you were there -

- ricardo : book one -

- position yourself -

- whenever... -

- shocked -

it's discouraging to think how many people are SHOCKED by honesty and how few by deceit

- wind -

- links are up again -

- tagged... aaargh! -

- lazy -

“Lazy people are always eager to be doing something”

- when i grow up -

- doubt -

- the eye -

- love, love, love -

- why do you want to blog? -

- the gathering -

- thank you, gracias, merci -

- essence -

- monkey in uniform -

- i've learned... -

i've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.

- DNA -

- self-cut -

- he looked so good -

- manhole -

- yesterday once more -

- what you see, is what i get -

- song to say goodbye -

- these words -

- the boy who fell in love with siwot -

- publication -

- casillas save my ball -

- suicide -

'to make yourself something less than you can be; that too is a form of suicide' - benjamin lichtenberg

- time heals all wounds -

- happy meal -

- every you, every me -

- loincloth -

- it was a year ago -

- re-furbishing -

- where had the monkey gone? -

- bakit pa ba -

- i hope i'm old before i die -

- hung up -

- the nest -

- letters to GOD. jim and mary -

- nonsense -

- happy birthday -

- love is hate? -

- sex and the monkey -

- *slurp* -

- the adorable JOHN PRATS -

- ni ai wo hai shi ta? -

- here, there AND everywhere -

- photo snatcher -

- la la la on the stage -

- ni ai wo ma? -

- 10 slurpees -

- raining AND wet -

- what's my age again?! -

- beer -

- gothica -

- 21-08-1980 -

- happy birthday -

- team all-stars on tv.cute shop assistant on tv -

- born with a purpose -

- gol & gincu -

- BLOGUNDI -

- pesanan khidmat masyarakat : hadapi dengan senyuman -

- community service -

- the 1 borneo.obat gatal.soalan ramalan spm -

- some pix of team all-stars in uk -

- clap to this -

- the latest model of nokia mobile phone -

- my daddy AND his 'holy' joke -

- @--)--- terakhir -

- slurp -